Pain

(May 2010)

Pain

here it goes again

a sudden gush of fright,

no matter how hard I cry,

no matter how fast I run & hide—

from the memories I built inside,

no matter how many hours I sleep

even in my dreams it’s there…

the fear.

The fear that changed my life,

the fear that woke me up

to see the dark without the light.

I could feel it under my skin

running through my veins

until it reach the end of my hairs…

No matter how I laughed it out,

no matter how many times I smiled,

no matter how hard I hugged the rocks,

no matter how strong I threw the stones,

it’s still there.

Now it’s taking over me.

I don’t know how it started

I don’t know if this will ever end.

It may sounds ambiguous,

but I just can’t explain it, well.

Years have passed

I thought I would be alright

but now it’s back

& I don’t how to fight.

I have waited long—

long enough to earn an ounce of guts.

Yes, I prayed,

I prayed even hard that I even doubt,

that there’s something wrong with me,

there is wrong with me.

Oh now I see, it’s me.