I'm not sure if writing it here could help me to recover from the traumatic event that just happened last night. I want to snap out of it! My hands were shaking, my heart was pounding, i felt so wretched...Up to this point, there's an itch in my mind that's telling me it was my fault---it was an unexpected event but - it was my fault.
I could still remember how I tried to ward off the tears from falling in my eyes that finally gave up to the hefty mixed emotion swelling with shame when I saw my father wearing a long worried face walking towards me asking me if there was any policeman already arrived. Then, shortly I answered "no."
Trying to get back the picture of what just happened earlier, that night--- there were mumbling crowd around repeating the track that I just reported --- it happened outside the clinic where I'm currently working and also happened to be the staff on duty that night. I was overwhelmed, my feet were numbing, i couldn't speak clear enough, it was just so terrible.
Aftermath, I could still hear the people murmuring---trying to solve the puzzle, assuming what was really happened. While I---trying to fix and focus my mind and get back to the reality who was still clouded to the incident.
As far as I could recall, I was sitting alone on the chair in front of the door, there were kids playing around, then after awhile they decided to play somewhere else, and they all left soon. When the field was all clear --- with all of the sudden there were two male strangers arrived via motorcycle, one was wearing with a white shirt with short curl hair, while the other one was wearing a dark baseball cap and a leather jacket who is also the One rushed towards me that obviously in a hurry asking if we have some available vitamins for a pregnant woman, then i said "yes" then welcomed them inside the Out-patient department. I noticed that there is no tagged price outside the box of the vits. But since i know that the manager of the clinic who is also the owner was inside the internet cafe which is just located next door. It seemed that the strangers were in a hurry, so i rushed into that cafe to ask my manager how much is the vit. 'arrg too stupid! I left the room with those strangers! But it's also too awkward and impolite if I'll asked those two to get out first before i'll go out...since having strangers sometimes are very common to us.
So, there I left the room unaware that there were some important things---like a duffel bag left there by my manager, since she knew I was there. Before I knew it, as soon as i got back it was just a few seconds actually, the strangers were already gone without a warning---I didn't even heard the motorcycle started. I tried to find them first, they could be still there somewhere---but there was no more trace of them. After that rushed event, i just realized that the duffel bag of my boss which was beside the radio located at the back of the main table in the O.P.D. was missing, too! I assumed it was stolen by those strangers. It all happened in just a snap!
Later on after that very fast moment I told my manager exactly what happened, right away. Of course I have to! I don't have any choice! I know she'll freak out, and if we'll tell everyone---I know they'll freak out! but of course we should all tell them, Idiot! Yes, indeed. They were all alarmed, the clear field was now filled with the crowd. And it was all my fault. My boss told me frightfully that there were important papers in there, her money---large amount of money---for food, for her brother's tuition fee, for the rent, her cellphone, ATM card. etc etc etc...!!!
Moments later, I was left there asking God what to do, with pictures flashing in my mind telling what will happen to me now?! For sure, I'm gonna lost this job! I'm losing this Job! I panicked. I was terrible! they were out there trying to contact someone, anyone, a police! my boss just went to the police station to report the incident. I decided to text my father, I don't know? to help me. I know he is a member of some org---that I believe could help me in such situation...But most of all I need my father or my 'mum to comfort me...I felt so helpless...Silently, I was praying "God pls help me...help us, what did I do?!" what should i do?" I'm so stupid. I was left there all alone.
So there, moments later---my father didn't fail me, he came, he showed up, though I couldn't read his face, i felt relieved, then. I know he was so worried...I felt ashamed of myself, now. He assured me not to worry, it wasn't my fault...and added that those thing were really happening---and it is not my fault. Seeing my father, hearing his assurance, I felt an urge to hug him---but I just couldn't ---for some reason.
There was this guy, the owner of the the cafe who told him the whole tied story. He also saw those strangers coming, but then ignored it since he believed that they were clients. Later, my father told me that he had to go home, he just came from work, but he promised to come back right away, he just need to change...so then, I panicked, again. For sure he'll tell mum, he'll tell everyone...but whatever he should---that's the proper thing to do, now.
After awhile, my father came back too soon, with of course my mum, I couldn't look straight at the face of my mum, she was so worried. For all of my life, I never wished to become the reason of their worries and sadness. I hate it! I hate every minute of it! If I'm so worried that time, then they are more worried.
Then a few moment later my boss went back, too, they've met...Now, I'm so dead! They exchanged stories, assuming, planned a plan, trying to solve the incident.
What made me feel better was, when my father and some of the guys said that it would go even worst IF I DIDN'T LEFT THE ROOM IMMEDIATELY THAT TIME. Because may be it was a modus operandi...they concluded that for sure-those guys have guns or knife and would never doubt to hurt or even kill me! it would be an attempt of hold-up, a kidnap, or rape! If I didn't get the chance to get away from that grip situation-I'll be dead by now.
May be those strangers planned it. So, in that case, it wasn't my fault---it wasn't my fault even if why I left the room for some stupid reason that why on earth I am working there but still doesn't know the price of that bullsh*t vitamins! Because, in case I know, and stayed there---then maybe they'll right! I should have been killed! Wait----say what??? Maybe I was dead...I'm Dead...
Those words were repeatedly played through my mind, may be I was dead by now...or not---but may be suffering in a critical condition...
At the moment I couldn't stop thanking God despite to what just happened---Imagine---I was working there for about four months but still doesn't know some of the med's price?! Somehow, that's an idiotic reason to escape that incident! I believe that happened for a reason... I also thanked God why on earth without a second thought I did not asked the clients/strangers to go out first so I could lock the room and let them wait outside, though it's too rude to do so...and why on earth I wasn't too idle to say or lie that we ran out of those stock 'try to buy it somewhere'.
See? in that way, he had helped me. I know God let it to happen---but He is in control! I learned a lot of lesson now! One of those is---it showed me how my parents love me soooo much! In fact, it was the second time my father came to the rescue, the first one was---oh! it's another story.!
It was just money, and some things, anyway---that were all easy to find/replace...what was important was nobody was harmed or hurt or worst died!
In some point---I assured my self that my boss was not the only victim in that incident---am too!
But thinking those pity strangers' soul though we can call them now as criminal freaks! i believed that they were also victims---but why? Imagine---do you think they could do such things without any reasons...? or let's say they don't have any important reason but they were still victims---by what? Human nature/dark side of nature. Well, whatever...they were still victims---by who? Satan, they were blinded.